It seems as I get older its harder and harder to accept things. I don’t always mean to be such a snot, but I am. I want Victoria and I to have a very healthy relationship without any distractions from anyone, including my daughter. I know that sounds harsh but that is how I feel.
Today was the day that was decided who has custodial rights to Victoria. I woke up early in the morning to rush to Victoria’s crib while her mother was still sleeping in her bed. Her little diaper was full from her deep slumber through the hours of eight o’clock pm til six o’clock am. She has had this type of sleep schedule for a few months now and I am not changing it by sleeping in. My daughter wakes in my absence to take care of her so I am comforted to know that she will wake up at an appropriate hour every day. But today was an extra important day for me to spend with my Photon.
As I am sitting on the couch in a quiet room, I feed her and she is looking directly into my eyes as if to tell me, “Everything will be alright today, Grandma Titi.” My eyes well up with tears trying to believe that they aren’t going to take my grand daughter away. I have invested so much time and energy into knowing her, having her know who I am. Holding on to her tight, I start crying but knowing that little girl will never know how scared I am and how heartbreaking it is to see her go.
But then I have to realize on how the other grandmother feels. Nana. She is and wants to be an important part of her first and only grand daughter’s life too. It’s hard to ‘share’. I never had to share my daughter with her father so this was really hard for me. Nana deserves to have special times with her grand daughter too. Why is that so hard for me to realize?
I stayed home babysitting Victoria and my two nephews while my bestie came over with her two children. We spent the day watching the boys play while we took turns holding Victoria, passing her back and forth as if it were our last time. My bestie is the best bestie I have ever had. She came over with her boys in a pirate ensemble to entice my nephews with a scavenger hunt. They came with eye-patches, pirate hats, scarves and a treasure map for the kids to discover a bounty full of gold coins hidden in the house.
At the end of the day, I learn that the verdict is actually in everyone’s favor. My daughter gets full custody while Victoria’s father sees her part of the week. That is pretty fair. But why do I still feel stressed? I’ve been stressed throughout her little life of three months. But I have been extra stressed starting in the month of June. Now you know why I haven’t been adding many blog posts. I have to admit I have lost a lot of followers but my true followers have stayed tuned for my updates. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It’s been a hard month but I promise I will provide more interesting reading material for my followers.